On the other side of fear...

NOTE: Thank you for taking the time to read this. I write this out of no personal interest. I don't care about clicks, views, social media followers. I write this as a humble servant of love. I write this as a fellow human being, whose life has been so profoundly transformed by love that I've dedicated my life to be love's servant. And I know that even if 99.9999% of the people who bother to read this get absolutely nothing from it, it's still worth it for that 0.0001%.

I've neglected this blog for over 2 years now. A lot has happened in my life since then. Almost all positive. Quite frankly, miraculous. In January of this year I was lead back to this place and noticed that my last post had been 2 years. I felt like I was due to create a new post, provide an update. In the 2 years since my last entry I've seen lifelong dreams manifest. Incredibly grateful.

Then came the pandemic.

I've always been somewhat of a global news junky. I don't watch American cable news. If I watch American news it's my local news channels to find out things going on in my area. And even that I rarely do. Mostly just for the weather. Quite frankly, my life has been so much more peaceful since tuning out those voices. But I have been paying attention to the news from China since December. I was well aware of the novel coronavirus COVID-19. I started making preparations for my home for a prolonged shutdown of life here in the US since February, gradually stocking up on non-perishable food items, etc.

As the virus reached and began spreading literally in my backyard (not a day goes by where I don't hear ambulance sirens now; I live less than 2 miles from a hospital), I felt that the time had come for this new blog post. But yet, I didn't post it. I knew the time was near, but just wasn't quite ready yet.

Now the time has come. Now I feel I have the full message that I'm meant to put in this spot. Now is my time to shine. Now is the time for love to shine.

I'm not going to sugarcoat things. This pandemic is devastating in so many ways, and it hasn't even gotten close to peaking yet. Many who may go by completely untouched by the virus will suffer from hunger and desperation. I composed this on April 5. I don't see a slow down in the United States any earlier than June. This is an unprecedented global crisis with no easy solutions.This are going to get worse before they start to get better. I'm fully prepared for this reality.

Even over a week before they closed schools here in Florida I was stressed about what was coming. I found myself breaking out crying at random times. The stress, the panic, the fear - it's all tangible. This is a once in a lifetime event. And it's our time to shine.

Like just about every single person out there, I've gone through the gamut of negative feelings and emotions. Two weeks ago a profound, perspective shattering spiritual experience I had in 2006 was brought to my memory. I won't go into full details about that experience because it's not all relevant. But here's the gist.

In 2006 I went through an experience that I can only liken to a near death experience, only I was fully alive and still went about my daily life. I only compare it to a near death experience because the things I felt, saw, heard, they're all brought back to life when I listen to people explain their near death experiences. I tasted beyond the veil.

I got to that place after reading a news story that deeply disturbed me. It was based around the panic of that time - global terrorism. I spent a whole night face down on the floor weeping. I recognized how insignificant I was, in spite of my arrogance and thinking I had everything figured out. I realized that I know absolutely nothing. I was in the presence of the Almighty, and it completely overwhelmed me.

After going through that night of weeping, death to ego, the veil was lifted. I spent a good 3 or 5 days fully aware of heaven. I learned more over that time period than I had in my entire life to that point. Every question I asked, I received an immediate answer. I literally saw the grand tapestry of life before my very eyes as I sat at the red light on Prospect Road at Powerline Road in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, while on my way to work. A divine manuscript greater than anything all of the greatest storytellers in history could craft if they all worked together.

From that point I stopped believing in coincidences. Every single person we encounter in life is placed there for a reason. It could be our families or the cashier at the grocery store. It was from seeing and experiencing this that I committed to leaving a residue of love and light as many places as possible. And I fall oh, so short of this grand goal. Oh, do I ever. But even the times I fall short I fully believe are working to help me learn and grow and get closer to my potential.

I was so humbled during this experience, so in awe of the Spirit I felt that I dare not even speak my own name. I remember visiting a church while this was going on. Afterwards a man greeted me and introduced himself. He asked me my name. I had to write it down. He probably thought I was a nutjob. And I probably was. But that was just the place where I had to be at that time.

Everything I experienced in 2006 was so real that I felt frustrated with words. Words simply could not capture how real what I felt was. Is. I eventually came to grips with the fact that words are a very powerful medium. It's how we share experiences with each other. Oh, and where words fail, love fills the void.

Through this experience I gained a much broader perspective. I gained an eternal perspective. I gained an understanding of how short our time on this earth is, and ultimately love is all that remains.

But anyway, I never understood why I went through that. I mean, I know it was all just a part of my personal growth. But I felt like, "Why me? Who am I? What have I done to be granted the privilege of experiencing such a thing here on earth?" When this was brought to my memory about two weeks ago, I feel like I have somewhat of an answer. It was for here and now. It was for such times as these, that no one could have imagine we would have to live through.

Fast forward to last weekend.

The stress had been slowly building in me. I drank way more than I'm proud to admit. I was depressed. I would break out crying at random. All of those fears, I feel them, too. I won't speak them here, but I know. I'm not immune to the panic.

Last Friday night/Saturday morning I was awoken at 2:30 AM to two quick dry coughs. Next thing I know, my whole body is trembling. "Here we go," I said. Before I knew it, I was shivering uncontrollably. I felt a slight burning in my chest. I texted my family that I'm self-isolating in my room for 2 weeks. Then I asked my wife to make me some tea.

The tea is the key.

A number of years back I had kidney stones. I twice had to have the stones crushed and a stent inserted. Not a pleasant experience. It was during that time that I discovered Yogi kava stress relief tea. And me being me, I started reading into kava kava. To those unfamiliar, it's a root indigenous to the South Pacific that traditionally was be used to make a drink for ceremonial purposes. It relaxes you. There are now kava bars all over. The drink itself tastes like dirt and it can have an analgesic effect. But the Yogi brand tea also has other spices and is more palatable.

So, a number of months back, after not having had it in a few years now, I bought a box of that kava tea. I also bought a bunch of other teas, all of which have sat there unopened for months. So there I am, coming down with COVID-19, freaking out, I ask my wife to make me some tea without specifying what kind. She goes downstairs, opens that box of kava tea, makes me a cup and brings it to me. I drink it, and within minutes the shivering and trembling began to subside. I didn't quite fall back to sleep easily, but I was calmer and also able to recognize that I didn't have a fever.

It wasn't until later that day that I was able to identify that I was experiencing a panic attack. I was only able to identify it by the way my body responded to that tea. That tea that I likely never would have even had in my house had I not gone through the scourge of kidney stones years earlier. That tea that sat in my house, unopened, that my wife simply grabbed and made for me.

That was the first step in regaining my perspective. Now, the anxiety didn't just magically disappear. If only it were that easy. I've felt like a halo around my head, stress overload. I've since identified that the light burn in my chest is not my lungs, but my heart. Then still find myself trembling, to the point where I can barely walk down my stairs. Shoot, I had to go make some kava tea even while typing this. But right there, in that little thing, in that moment of reflecting on what I've gone through this far, I was reminded of the divine hand at work in all. God is in the details. We just need to pay attention, otherwise we overlook it.

In order for me to manage this stress and anxiety, I've simply had to cut back on news consumption. The news feeds the fear. I still check from time to time, just to see where things stand. But I had to ask myself, am I consuming the news or is the news consuming me?

Look, I'm not going to be one of those "It's no worse than the regular seasonal flu" guys. Even if COVID-19 does, in fact, end up killing less people than the regular flu does this year, there are very real, understandable reasons to fear it. For starters, we feel more confident in our ability to recover from the flu. We know how to treat it in most cases. This new virus is exactly that -- new. There is no vaccine, and we don't know how to fully treat it yet. Plus there's the fact of how contagious it is, and those who do end up dying from it often die in a hospital, alone. No family by their side to see them off. It's a frightening thought. It's like a death lottery that none of us want to win.

I will, however, say this: There is reason for hope. Death rates for this virus are going to be inaccurate no matter what. I've been following the news in Italy and Spain over the past month. I'm well aware of the number of dead vs. number of confirmed positive cases. But the true death rate is number of dead vs. number of infected. And from what little we do know of this frightening new virus, we know that many people never show any symptoms of infection. Many only have minor symptoms. Those people are infected but will likely never be tested, meaning all of these people don't show up in the statistics of "Confirmed Positive" cases. We can't yet know what the true infection rate is, but it undoubtedly is much higher than the official number. Which means the death rate is also much lower.

Doctors and scientists have been putting their minds together racing for a treatment, cure, vaccine. Australia has started giving healthcare workers the TB vaccine after finding that people who've had the TB vaccine may have a stronger immunity against COVID-19. Researchers at Monash Univeristy in Australia have also found that a common anti-parasitic drug kills COVID-19 within 48 hours in a lab setting. They still need to test it in humans and find the right dose, but there is hope. Link

We are still in for a long, bumpy ride. This is going to be painful. Just the stress is putting us all through collective trauma. Many will mourn before this is over. And in the US we're looking at a matter of weeks before we start to see a gradual downtick, and months before we can even think about life getting back to how it was before. The hardest days are still ahead of us. This is a virus that moves slowly within each body but spreads quickly. We cannot take it lightly. At this point we're simply buying time until the virus can either pass through each person infected (in one way or another) or until a real, effective treatment can be clinically tested and made available for mass distribution.

But I wasn't ready to compose this last week because this blog is about my adventures in light and love. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's fear. I cannot allow this spot to be a place to feed fear. Perfect love casts away fear. This spot is dedicated to spreading love. I had to go through days of fear and panic to be able to get to this place. And I still have to struggle with it every waking minute of everyday. I wish I could just sleep for 3 months and have someone wake me when the worst is over.

Yet here I sit, on the other side of fear.

On the other side of fear I'm reminded of that time when I pretty much died and tasted heaven. Perfect love. Perfect love is all I experienced. It was all around me. The entire universe is a love song to us. Everything in creation. Love is the life force behind it all.

I still have no idea what the world, or even my personal world, will look like in 6 months. I may lose loved ones. I may even go myself. But on the other side of fear, I have hope. I see new opportunities opening up that I may have been less inclined to pursue prior to this. New doors being opened. Gold is purified by fire, steel is forged by it. I can allow myself to be crippled by fear, or I can focus on love and hope.

Deep down inside, in spite of the pain and anguish we're currently going through and have yet to even suffer, I trust what I was shown during that experience in 2006. My life is in good hands. I have a good, loving God who can and will use all things to work for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. Well, shit....that's me.

We're going to make it through this. Just hold on. There is hope, right there on the other side of fear. I cannot promise it will be easy. I cannot promise you'll make it through untouched. I very well may not make it through untouched. But deep down, I know that there's a bigger plan still. This is not the end of the world. It may be the end of the world as we knew it. Things may never be the same. But the universe's default setting is life. Life always seems to find a way.

We will make it through this. We will make it through, to the other side of fear. Amor conquista todo. Love conquers all.

Love Poem #73

Wrote this well over 10 years ago. Have it on my personal Facebook profile but figured I'd share here, too.
------------------------------------

I adore you, Miss

So much I implore the Lord for more of this -

your kiss

transporting me to euphoric bliss.

Historically,

I'd launch more ships than the Trojan War did

for the glory of coming ashore

to your adoring lips

Pouring gifts at the altar of your temple

the simple pleasures of exploring your soul

being rewarded with treasures

more precious than the finest jewelry or gold;

You're my muse to make sure that our story gets told

For surely you hold

the key to my heart

you made it transform from the cold

& hard and soften it

with the gentle warmth of your soul

No,

distance isn't a hindrance when the touch of your words traverse oceans.

Is it such an absurd notion

that I'd entrust my emotions

to such beauty?

It's just my duty

to report what your touch does to me-

Reawakening love,

sentiments dormant for far too long.

The mark you've drawn

in the depths of my being

is indelible.

Unintelligible gibberish & shortage of words

have confirmed.

This is love that I fell into

Le Bien, Le Mal

The Good, The Bad

My Philosophy

Subtitles coming later. I don't really like how this came out - it's all a bit hurried. Just putting this out there...

Rebirth of Slick

The Shadow is an Illusion

I was out for my pre-dawn jog this morning when I became a bit startled when I noticed a second shadow that seemingly came from behind me. I looked back to see who was there. There was no one. It was my own shadow, being cast from another street light. It was then that I felt a voice. It felt like the voice and presence of my grandfather. The voice said, "Fear not the shadow. There can be no shadow without light." The shadow is but an illusion caused by the presence of light.

Now, I'm not exactly in a dark place in my life right now, but the voice moved me to tears while I jogged. I just knew I had to share it, because I'm sure there's someone reading this words who needs to be reminded of this. Don't fear the shadow. It is merely a side effect of the presence of light. Focus on that light, not the illusion.

Dear Christian, It's Okay to Love Yourself

I first started this blog post on August 28, 2015. I picked it back up November 14, 2015. It's something that I've been weighing for a while, searching for the right words to properly articulate. If something doesn't come across right, please just follow along to the end.

One thing I've noticed among Christians is struggling to embrace the concept of loving oneself. This is due to one of the core ideas of Christianity being that we, as individuals, are sinful and cannot attain right-standing with God on our own. Many Christians come to view themselves as wretched individuals who can only be saved by Christ. So when the discussion of loving oneself comes up, many Christians have a hard time with this. I struggled with this myself, on my own personal spiritual journey.

We are taught that loving yourself is pride. I would argue that the egocentric, prideful "self love" of the greedy and arrogant is not so much self love, but rather self lust. How can one truly love anyone if their definition of love is bastardized by a perception of the world that's been so heavily influenced by negative experiences? It's like making putting peanut butter and jelly on two slices of bread, sticking the two clean sides together, putting it on a plate and saying you know how to cook.

In order to truly love anyone, we must first learn to love ourselves. And in order to love ourselves, we must learn what love truly is. Christians think that loving ourselves is wrong, but not only is it NOT wrong, it's the will of God. I've experienced more spiritual growth and understanding in a few months of learning true love and loving myself than I had in years of studying and learning "the walk."

One of the most popular verses in the Bible, John 3:16, says that "God SO LOVED THE WORLD...." The core belief of Christianity is built upon the premise that God loves us. If God loves us, adores us, is it not an insult to the God we love to neglect this light He sees inside of us that He loves so much? "Love the sinner, hate the sin," correct? What is it in the sinner that God sees, that we are told to look at, that is so worthy of love? And if we are capable of seeing this in others, how can be fail to see it in ourselves?

What I think is important for Christians to understand is, when we talk about loving yourself we aren't talking about loving Ego. We are talking about loving your true nature. The real you. The divine within you. The Bible says that believers in Christ are new creations. This is the Higher Self. THIS is what God sees.

Imagine yourself in a pitch dark vacuum holding a flashlight. All around you it is pitch dark for miles and miles. Off in the distance is another person holding another flashlight. What do you see? Do you see darkness? No. You don't actually see darkness. Without light, nothing is visible. Darkness is simply an absence of light. It is this same very light that is found in every living soul. Ignorance and bad experiences can hinder this light, like a candle in a glass jar with dirt and char on the sides. But the light still exists. This is the light that light sees and recognizes.

Jesus gave only one commandment: Love. But he outlined it as such: Love the Lord your God with every fiber of your being, and love your neighbor.....AS YOURSELF. We are not commanded to love our neighbors more than ourselves. Yet this is what many Christians are taught in a twisted interpretation of laying down our lives. Laying down our lives means setting aside the ego, the light shade, and nurturing our light.

When Jesus walked the countryside healing the sick and being love, he withdrew to himself on a regular basis to pray and meditate. THIS is self love. He gave all that he had, but he did not fail to neglect himself. This applies to all aspects of life. If we revere our Creator, we nurture that which He created out of love. This extends to everything from maintaining spiritual health to proper physical and emotional health.

If somebody walks all over you, it is not love to sit back and tolerate it. This is abuse, and sitting back and allowing it to continue while you suffer is not being love. It is self-abuse. It is no different than sticking a needle in your arm and shooting up pure Afghan heroin. Would you allow someone to march into your house and urinate all over your belongings? When all is said and done, there is nothing more precious than our light, our soul. It is our very life, our very essence. So tell me exactly how it is the will of God to tolerate mistreatment and allow others to walk all over you....

The way we treat others is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. By standing up for ourselves in a loving manner, not only are we loving ourselves but we are saying to the person mistreating us that they aren't loving themselves and because we love them, we will not allow them to treat themselves in such a way. Take the bottle of whiskey out of the alcoholic's hand.

The way we treat others is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. It is only when we first learn self-love that we can truly love others according to what love truly is. Stop judging yourself, start loving yourself. We cannot change the past. What's done is done. In the eternal right here, right now, you are light and God is madly and deeply in love with you. What is it that this light sees in you that cause Him to send for an eternal vibration that causes atoms to collide in such a way so as to create the incredible physical universe in which we are a part? It is something so precious, it must be revered.

Nurture this light inside yourself. In doing so you will find that the shade of ego can no longer contain you. And in doing so you will place yourself in harmony with the light of creation, and others will be attracted to you like a beacon in the night. Not only is this okay to do, this is the very life we were created to live.

Bob Marley. Plus Reflections on Love

Bob Marley

Well, Thursday, October 1st meant the start of a new calendar month. Which means September 2015 was the first full calendar month since the passing of my beloved grandfather. As I neared the end of my morning jog I was hit by this fact. With tears running down my cheek, I asked, "Does it get any easier? I miss you so much, G-Pop." Less than an hour and a half later, he would answer me in his typical humor.

For those who don't know, my grandfather is originally from Maine. Since his passing there's been one special memory constantly replaying in my mind. When I was 16 years old I went along with him and a family friend on a canoe trip in Maine. It was a special moment for me because I was the only family member along with him. I carried his canoe through the Maine woods, over rocks and hills, for over a mile as we portaged from one creek to the next.

One of my grandfather's favorite treats from Maine is a soda that is uniquely "Maine." It's called "Moxie." It's actually the oldest soda brand in the country but can pretty much only be found in Maine. The taste is very different, definitely an acquired taste. But I grew to love it, and he would often have some at his house in Pennsylvania that he'd bring back down with him from his trips to Maine.

So as I drove in to work on the morning of October 1st, 2015, I randomly broke out singing "Redemption Song" by Bob Marley. I haven't heard the song for years, and as I finished I said to myself, "Where the heck did that come from? Why am I singing that song?" I found it especially strange being that I had a totally different song stuck in my head for the past few days, not even the same genre.

Then I changed the radio station to the Paul & Young Ron Show on Big 105.9 Miami. They had a guest comedian in studio. I'd never heard of the man before, but then he started making references to New England and more specifically, Maine. They then said his name: Bob Marley. I Googled "Bob Marley Comedian," and surely enough, his name is even spelled the same way as the reggae legend. His YouTube page calls him "Maine's King of Comedy." And to top it all off, he began talking about Moxie and a Maine YouTube sensation, of whom I'd never even heard up to this point, "Little Peter the Moxie Boy." (Again, Peter being my birth name)

Leave it to my grandfather to use comedy to speak to me from the other side. Yes, I miss you dearly, G-Pop. Thank you for letting me know you're still with me.

Reflections on Love

The past few weeks I've been pretty quiet, just keeping to myself. Living and enjoying every moment. One thing I've been reflecting on, as usual, is love. More specifically, a description of love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13: "Love always believes the best." This doesn't mean that love is naive. This means that love, considering its relationship with truth, sees through the ego and deception and sees the higher self. Love sees the best in a person in spite of their flaws and shortcomings. Not only does love see the best in a person (including oneself), but love is fully devoted to nurturing and bringing forth the best in a person. Nothing delights me more than to see my loved ones walking in their fullest potential, being the person they were created to be. This is what love does.

That's all for now. Love.

It's That Kind of Love

It doesn't judge,
doesn't waver,
doesn't budge
I've been consumed by that kind of love.

Unconditional
vibrating from the spiritual to the physical
Something mystical.
It's that kind of love.

It melts the heart that's frozen,
illuminates those in the dark
feeling lonely
It's that kind of love.

These words can't describe the depth
nor how vast
this love that openly accepts
the downtrodden outcast
It's that kind of love.

All of creation is nothing more than the visible manifestation of the vibration of this frequency we call "God,"
We experience it as "That kind of love."

It's who I am,
who you are,
each just a part of the whole
that is "That kind of love."

There is no picking me up
from the oceans that I fell into
that kind of love.

Not sent from heaven above
it's the multidimensional force that transcends,
God with us, Emmanuel,
that kind of love.

When I tell you I love you,
it's not a simple gesture born from being courteous.
It's who I am.
It's THAT kind of love.

(Untitled)

Thursday, August 27, 2015. The world lost one of its brightest lights. You may not know him personally, but he shined so brightly that you definitely know his light. It is the very same light that helped illuminate my heart with love. The very love that drives these words to be typed. This very light that shines on through me to all of those I come in contact with. So by the simple fact that you are reading these words, you, too, have been touched by this light.

This light is love. Pure love. Unconditional love. A humble heart passionately in love with his Creator. The world may have seen other men as great as him, but it's definitely never known any greater.

Thursday, August 27, 2015. Robert Thomas. My grandfather. His mission on this earth came to a glorious conclusion. "To God be the glory." That's all he would say. He did his part, and this world will never be the same. He truly turned darkness into light everywhere he walked.

"To God be the glory."

My grandfather baptized me when I was 9 years old. As I came out of the water, I heard a still, small voice within me whisper, "Go to all the nations, make disciples....teaching my commandments...." Matthew 28:19-20. Right in Kennett Square, PA. The town at the center of the route from one Peter Christopher Drive to the other.

I was fortunate enough to be able to travel to see him the last weekend he was with us. I was the last grandchild to see him. He told everyone he was just waiting to see me. When I arrived at his house I noticed a calendar tossed onto his kitchen counter. It was open to the month of January 2015. There was a Bible verse on the calendar. Matthew 28:19-20. "Go to all the nations, make disciples...."

His final instructions to me were to "Be a man of the Word." I will always honor this. And as I scour the words of Christ, looking for His commandments that I've been instructed to teach, I only come across one commandment: Love.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself." - Luke 10:27

"This is my commandment: that you love one another just as I have loved you." John 15:12

And so, I carry on his mission the only way I know how: by being love.

I know where he is now, and I know I'll be reunited with this tremendous spirit one day before I know it. I was blessed to be able to know this day was coming, so nothing has been left unsaid. I laid awake last night, contemplating how it could hurt so much even knowing all that I know. And that's when I realized, his love and light was so strong that his absence from this world is tangible. I'm left with a dark, empty void in my heart, a place reserved especially for this man.

This is the lesson I've learned through the temporary loss of the most loving person I've ever met. To let my light shine so bright that, when it returns home, those it shined upon feel left in the dark with the absence of my light.

And this is why I write. I've always contemplated my own mortality. I know one day this world will be but an afterthought. But if there's one thing I'm keenly aware of, it's the impact one small act of kindness can have. All it takes is one smile, one "Have a wonderful day!" There's no telling the ripple effect one loving act can have throughout the echoes of eternity. And ultimately, it's not about us as individuals. It's about us as One.

So here I am, G-Pop. Your absence is tangible, but I will carry on your light. I will be love. I will be light. I will make disciples, spreading this light to the deepest, darkest places.

To God be the glory.

26 and 63: Abundance

About three weeks ago I seemed to have been translated into an alternate dimension. I was lead to see myself for the special person that I am, humbly. We are all special. We are all made from the very fabric of the universe, fused together by love. But I stumbled into a couple of synchronicities that left me at a bit of a loss for words, hence the two week delay in sharing this story with the world.

It all started with me going through my regular routine. Every Tuesday and Wednesday I delivered organic produce and would listen to 4 different podcasts while on my routes. There were two podcasts in particular, The Higherside Chats and The Grimerica Show, that always have intriguing guests that I don't always necessarily agree with, but I love having my mind stimulated and being challenged to think and examine my world view.

There was one guest who had appeared on both shows within a few weeks of each other. He goes by the name Crrow777 and has a YouTube channel in which he monitors the skies and the moon. He came to the conclusion that the moon is a hologram and nothing in our world is as we've been told. And while I find that particular claim to be way out there (I shouted at the podcasts that he's gone on one too any drug-induced trips), I still subscribed to his YouTube channel because he did make some claims that I found to be interesting.

A few days after listening to him on the Grimerica Show and subscribing to his YouTube channel he posted a video where he entered his name "Crrow777" into Google Maps and it showed his location to be the CERN laboratory in Switzerland. He was convinced this was being done intentionally because he had just been talking about CERN on Grimerica.

Inspired by this, I entered my name into Google Maps - first my pen name (Aydin Adam), which turned up no direct results, and then my birth name: Peter Christopher. I found that there are two streets in the whole world that bear my exact full name - both are called "Peter Christopher Drive". Not only this, but both of these streets are located in the county in Pennsylvania where I grew up and my grandparents still live. Insanity. But it goes on.

The next day I decided to map out the drive from one Peter Christopher Drive to the other. Not only are they in the same county where I grew up, but they're 26 miles from one another. And then I noticed something even more wild. At exactly the halfway point of the drive plotted out to me by Google Maps is the town and street where my grandparents live (maternal grandparents. Their last name isn't Christopher). I've always told anyone who'd ask that my hero in life is my grandfather. I've never known a more pure example of what it means to be love than him.

So where does 63 come in? Well, that same morning I went out on some errands. I had to buy some things at 3 different stores and had a limited amount of cash to spend. I made my first two stops and had exactly $63 left to buy groceries. I arrived at the grocery store knowing I had exactly $63 to spend and could not go a penny over. I grabbed the things I needed and checked out. As the cashier scanned the last few items I saw I was pushing it close to my budget. She scanned the last item and tax was calculated. My total came out to exactly $63.

Now, my mind was already blown from the discovery of my roads. Throw this into the mix and I was completely speechless. I went home to look up the spiritual meaning of the numbers 26 and 63. As I was doing this my wife called me and told me her niece is graduating this month and by chance she'll be able to attend. She didn't realize she'd be in town for her niece's graduation when we booked her flight. I asked her what day her niece is graduating. "April 26th," she told me.

26. The exact mile distance that I'd just discovered separate the only two streets in the world that bear my full name.

So what do these numbers mean?

26 (source): The number 26 is made up of the energies and attributes of number 2 and number 6. The number 2 relates to duality, service and duty, balance and harmony, adaptability, diplomacy, co-operation, selflessness, faith and trust and Divine life purpose and soul mission.  The number 6 relates to the vibrations of love and nurturing, responsibility and reliability, honesty and integrity, teaching others, the material and financial aspects of life, and reflects upon the home and family.

Angel Number 26 is a message from your angels that your material and earthly needs will always be met, so have faith and trust that the Universe will always provide.  Follow your Divine inner-guidance and allow it to prompt you to take positive action in your life.

Angel Number 26 asks you to be diplomatic and co-operative with others in order to set a positive example for others to learn from.  It tells you that as you serve your Divine life purpose you will reap the spiritual and emotional rewards of love, trust and companionship as well as manifest material and financial rewards.

  

Angel Number 26 also tells of achieving and attaining fame and/or material rewards.

63 (source): Number 63 is a combination of the vibrations of number 6 and number 3.  Number 6 brings its attributes of the monetary and material aspects of life, providing and provision, balance and love of home and family, grace and dignity, simplicity, reliability, responsibility and the ability to compromise.  Number 3 adds its energies of manifesting prosperity and abundance, self-expression and communication, support and encouragement, talents and skills, enthusiasm and joy.  Number 3 also resonates with the energies of the Ascended Masters, and they help you to focus on the Divine spark within yourself and others, and assist with manifesting your desires. The Ascended Masters help you to find clarity, peace and love within.  

Angel Number 63 is a message from your angels and the Ascended Masters that they are working closely with you in regards to the material and financial aspects of your day-to-day life.  They are ensuring that all runs according to plan and that your material needs are met as you live and serve your Divine life purpose and soul mission.

Angel Number 63 is a message that the life choices and decisions you have made have brought about positive opportunities that will ensure that your material and monetary needs will be met in your life.  It is also an indication that you will be devoting more of your time and energy towards your spiritual pursuits, life purpose and soul mission.  

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They both share the significance of being a sign that my financial needs would be met. Mind you, my only source of income since September had been from delivering organic produce for about 9 hours a week (only a small handful of customers tipped) and the occasional translation job I'd get translating court decisions from English to Haitian Creole (that in itself being another irony... I moved to Florida from the Philadelphia area thinking I'd have better opportunity finding work with my Creole fluency, only to finally get paid to translate for Philadelphia County some 13 years after leaving). So financially speaking, I haven't had the freedom I'd like to even afford some basic luxuries. I never stressed over money, and I've never even shared my situation with strangers because it simply wasn't and isn't an issue for me. God/the Universe always provides (I had days where I didn't have gas or money to make it home from doing deliveries, and then I'd get unexpected tips and always had enough to finish my route and get home).

So I always go through my days with a smile. It was through this situation that I came to know true abundance, and it is mine. In the capitalistic society we live in we always associate abundance with money and possessions. And while, yes, this is one form of abundance, true abundance comes from within. While I would be stuck in traffic surrounded by the masses pursuing material abundance, I LIVE abundance.

November 2014 I had no steady income to provide a Thanksgiving dinner for my family. When Thanksgiving Day came I had to refuse turkeys because I simply didn't have enough room in my freezer. My family enjoyed a full feast and I don't even think I spent $35. Abundance.

True abundance begins with gratitude. There's not a morning I wake up that I'm not grateful for all that I have. In my years on this earth I've dined at 5 star establishments in Geneva and slept in 2 room tin-roof houses. I've witnessed more abundance in the homes of those the world would define as the "have-nots" than among those the world would call the "haves". I refuse to believe that the superficial, vain millionaire has more abundance than the man who tends to their yard with a smile on his face and a song in his heart everyday.

My heart breaks every bit as much for the spiritually sleeping wealthy man or woman seeking to numb the pain of their life with drugs and alcohol as it does for the homeless child scavenging through garbage dumps for scraps of food to survive (which I've also witnessed first-hand). The world sees the rich man or woman and doesn't understand how someone with so much could throw it all away because of the stranglehold of addiction. Well it's quite simple: it's because they lack abundance but society doesn't comprehend this with its skewed perception of what abundance means, and thus what we are left with is a morally and spiritually bankrupt society.

Abundance is a state of being. It comes from within. I do not believe my financial situation will remain as stagnant as it has been, but it's also not what I seek. I know where I see myself in 10 years. I wasn't sure how I would get there, but now the path has become much more clear and steps are being made to manifest this reality which is already born within me. This blog and the book I am writing may or may not play a role in this reality manifesting. Quite frankly, I write not for wealth or acclaim. I write because I know that the day will come where Aydin Adam is an after thought. So I write my words for those to come, to be a light along the paths of others.

We all come from the same place and we will all ultimately return there. In my words I pour out my very being, that others may see who they are, too. This is all that I am. It is all that I can do to give back.

"A Greater Love Has No Man Than This...."

I've been tossing around the idea for this blog post for quite some time now, but I've finally been able to tie everything together on the morning of Good Friday, the 2nd most sacred of Christian holidays (after Easter). It is the day in which Christians world wide celebrate the death of the Christ for the redemption of humanity. A quote that has been attributed to Him goes as follows: "A greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends."

As a young Christian that verse spoke to me on a few levels. First of all, what touched me was the tremendous love of the Christ in willingly laying down His life for the sake of humanity. The second part was the last two words: "his friends." I was touched that the Christ saw us as his friends while making His sacrifice.

But that's not what this blog post is all about. My intended audience is not only people of the Christian faith, but truth seekers of all spiritual beliefs. I may seem to ramble and wander a bit in this post, but bear with me. I will touch upon a few points but it's really one central theme.

In recent months that quote from the Bible resonated with me in a different way. Because Christians believe the Christ physically died for mankind, the verse is often interpreted as choosing to physically die for our friends. But I'm not so sure that's all that was being said in that quote. Dying for one's friends doesn't have to be a physical death. We can die to self at any given point of any day. Laying down one's life for one's friends is a simple matter of laying down the ego out of love for others. Just as the Christ said, "If any man shall follow me he must carry his cross daily."

Selfish self-love vs. Selfless self-love

It is very important that I make clear what is meant by "death of ego", from a perspective of self-love. How can one be practicing self-love by denying ego? It's very simple. It's simply a matter of being aware of our role as an intricate piece of the whole of the universe. By setting aside selfishness, we are acknowledging that while we are important, no one of us is any more important than anyone else. We are actually loving ourselves by loving the whole

When we are being selfish (and choosing not to forgive is one example of a very harmful selfishness) we are not in harmony with the natural flow of the universe. The natural flow is love. If a cherry tree is planted in bad soil and not in harmony with nature, it will not bear fruit. The very purpose of the cherry tree is to produce cherries. That is its unique role in the universe. Apple trees cannot produce cherries. Only cherry trees can do so. Just so, each and every single one of us has something unique to offer to the whole of the universe. If we are not aligned properly, in good, nutrient-rich soil, we are not fulfilling our role in the whole.

We live in a symbiotic universe. No one person is an island. We are all deeply interconnected.

That being said, we must pursue our dreams. We are given dreams as part of our purpose in the whole. Do not deny yourself of your dreams, so long as your dreams are pursued in a loving way, respectful of the role of others along our path. Place yourself in good soil, surrounded by those who will nurture you in your pursuit of bearing your unique fruit. Those who would discourage us are toxic (usually because they, themselves, are not living in harmony with the flow of the universe at that particular moment).

To pursue our dreams is the highest form of worship and dedication. To focus our intent and energy on manifesting into reality the vision we have been given. And just as with all forms of worship, it is simply a matter of the attitude of our heart while performing the act. Lay down the ego, embrace your integral role in the universe. A greater love has no man than this.

Letting Go

People of faith love to give strength those going through trials and difficulties with these popular words of encouragement from the Bible: "God will never give you more than you can handle." But the thing is, those words don't appear in the Bible. And quite frankly, I don't believe those words to be true whatsoever.

There are times and situations in life when God/the Universe DOES throw at us more than we're capable of handling. Because we're not meant to shoulder these burdens. We're not supposed to handle it. We're supposed to learn to let go and trust in divine providence, knowing that the universe is constantly conspiring on our behalf. Step out of what your eyes see and gain proper eternal perspective. We cannot always change circumstances, but what we can change is our perception of the circumstances.

Learning to let go is a critical step in learning to love God and oneself. Fear wants us to hold on and try to maintain control. But fear is the opposite of love. Perfect love casts away all fear. Where love reigns, fear cannot reside. Usually we hold onto things out of the fear of letting go. Walking in love is not merely a matter of loving others, it is also a matter of walking fearlessly, confident and secure that our Creator loves us infinitely and all things we encounter in things life work for good, and ultimately lead us back to the same love that is the fabric of the manifest universe around us.

Let go of fear. Let go and let love.

Eyedeas Never Die

This post is a little different from what I typically post, but it's something (someone) who's been on my mind lately. Micheal "Eyedea" Larsen was an incredibly talented underground hip-hop artist from Minnesota who left this world at a young age but with an incredible legacy. He was a little under a year and a half younger than me, and ever since the first time I heard him on the track "Savior?" with Slug and Sole, I felt an instant connection with him. In 2000, while I was living in Haiti, I was delighted to see him get a national platform to display his talent by winning the HBO Blaze freestyle rap battle. His body perished in October 2010 at age 28 of an accidental drug overdose. As a person who writes rap lyrics and poetry myself, the content and cadence of his lyrics were exactly how I write. I've always felt out of place on this earth. Some of his lyrics on that particular track were:

"I've sipped the cup of reality, now my brain is dying
I try and explain I'm not human, now my room is an insane asylum
.......
Hey, I knew my origin was beyond this galaxy, even as a baby
I asked the ones who told to call parents and they said I was crazy
......
I'm like a polar bear living in the equator
Or an ice cube in the refrigerator
I'm outta place and outer space is where I need to get ya'll
So when you come down, just remember I'm leaving with ya'll"

As the years passed I got a bit disconnected from following the hip-hop scene. It wasn't until after learning of his death that I sought out more of his music. To this day, there are two particular songs that he made that are so enlightened and profound, I listen to them while I jog and meditate and get my perspective aligned and feel my connection as part of the whole. I wanted to share them, because they are two of the songs that hold the most meaning and inspiration to me. I am inspired to know that he left this art behind for generations to come, and Eyedeas never die. He truly was ahead of his time.

His mother still uses his website as a personal blog to help with her healing from the pain of his passing. http://www.micheallarsen.com/ I wanted to use my blog as a platform to send some love and light in her direction, and let her know that her son's legacy will live on forever through the many lives that he has touched and will continue to touch. He is one of my single biggest inspirations and reasons why I have this blog and am writing my book. Thank you, Mikey. Thank you for contributing your part to this universe.

Thanksgiving message to the hurting and desperate

To you who are giving all you have to put on a smile and put up appearances on this day:

This blog, and the book I am currently writing, is for you. It's not for those who have their lives together. It's for the broken, the wounded. I understand you may read the words I write and be turned off by such positivity. It's much more comfortable to dwell in your hurt and anger. We hold on to these things and claim them as our own, we say that they are us. They aren't yours. They don't belong to you. It may seem difficult or even painful to do, but it's alright to let go. They're only holding you prisoner, unable to love freely - both yourself and those around you.

You see, while you may read my words and think that I have it all together, I'm here to admit to you that the circumstances in my life right now are far from perfect. To the outsiders who know my current circumstances, it would appear that I'm going through an incredibly difficult time. I won't share all of the details right now. I'm going to write about it all in my book. But one person I know texted me on Tuesday and said "I pray that things will turn to your favor soon." My reply to her was, "Thank you. Things are always working to my favor." 

I don't write to preach to the converted. I write to give life and hope to the hopeless. There are times that going back over my own words is the only thing that keeps me going forward. I write because I have to. I write because at one point in my life I felt so frustrated by words because I saw them as limited in their ability to describe such a profound love that created all we see and are, yet now words are all that I have. They are all that I can give back to this world.

I've discovered the secret to true abundance, and it has nothing to do with money. It starts with gratitude. It begins with being aware of the beauty of everything currently at work in the universe no matter how things may appear. Don't allow the conditioning of society to deceive you into creating a negative reality based on things that happen to you. Society tells us that things are only going well when we have possessions, but possessions come and go. No matter what may be going on around us, true abundance is having inner peace in knowing that the universe is conspiring on our behalf. 

You see, we create our reality. What we focus our energy and intent on becomes our reality. Sometimes it takes a conscious effort, but we must resist the urge to meditate on negative circumstances and fix our eyes and hearts on the beauty of life. We aren't to have blind faith, believing in something without any shred of evidence. Rather, we are to have blinded faith. We are to be so overwhelmed by love that we literally become blind to the circumstances around us and are filled with nothing but this love and gratitude.

So I'd like to use this platform that tell you all that I am thankful for every last one of you. You are keeping me alive. Yes, you. The hurting, imperfect soul who can hardly stand to sit through and read the things that I write because you just don't want to hear it right now. You are much more powerful than you realize. You are keeping me alive. You are all that I have. Thank you for being you.

With abundant love and gratitude,

Aydın Adam

PS: Communication isn't just what's said, but also what isn't said.
Pay attention to what isn't said in this post. There's a reason I
said that it would appear that I'm going through incredibly difficult
circumstances. Our words are powerful. So yes, while to those outside
looking in it would appear even desperate, my reality is that it's
easy. Yes, my life is easy, and it can be easy for you no matter what
you're going through. I can tell you this through my current experience.
Perception is reality, so reality is what we make of it.

I AM LOVE (Old poem)

This is a poem I wrote over two years ago. I've shared it on my personal Facebook page. Just wanted to share it here, too. Enjoy.

The consummation of passion

the give and take without asking

displayed in a fashion

like a fire blazing without ashes.

Amazing how it lasts it's

a flame devouring past actions

a tower and last bastion

of hope. A strong hold.

A grip and

a tight grasp in

arms so equipped

to hold and fight back

and maintain position

and when the road is night-black

the flame is given

to sustain the vision

the breath from whence came the mission

confessed it wasn't the best

then it changed condition

on a plane that's hidden

since I made the decision

to betray the way I was living

and now I'm living as slain

it isn't my brain or wisdom

not off the chain or the hinges.

Humility

makes me seem insane or just different.

indifferent

to what they say 'cause it isn't

in my realm of influence

when I hear You speak my name.

Paul said to Let it Be

but I question the referee

lead to see

my destiny

in e-ver-y

breath I breathe

Befriending thieves

with a di-ffer-ent weaponry

the kind you spell with L-O-V

and of course it ends with E

Dwelling in the breast of the

universal Entity

on bended knee

broke the shackles of self to set me free

Can it be

that death to me

lead to a life of ecstasy?

Invoke the wrath of enemies

when I chose a path so heavenly

And no matter the setting He

holds me with a steady Peace,

knowing He selected me,

owing no indemnities.

And so it goes, eventually

you'll know the road I'm mentioning

where life, it flows and ebbs like seas

in motion with their beckoning.

Submerge in me

yield our life to Eternity's hands;

acknowledge our smallness,

no longer concerned with our plans

Listen closely,

a whisper

in the soul of a Man

So simple, a sentiment,

with no scolding demands.

I LOVE YOU.

Live from within, or live from without

Real conversation from my home last night

My son: Daddy, if you could live anywhere, where would you live?
Me: Anywhere in the world? Pitcairn Island.
My daughter: I knew he was going to say someplace weird. I'd want to live in heaven.
Me: You already do.
Daughter: No, I mean heaven in the sky.
Me: Heaven isn't in the sky. It's within you.

There's a popular bumper sticker quote among Christians that says, "No Jesus, No Peace. Know Jesus, Know Peace." There is definite truth to this, but I'm going to take it one step further:

Live from within, or live from without.

The kingdom of heaven is not some magical place in the clouds where our deceased ancestors and pet dogs move to when they die. It is right here, right now, within us. In our daily routines we have two options: We can either live from that place within us, where circumstances that arise must submit to our inner peace, or we can live from outside where we are tossed to and fro in the storms of life, a life of utter lack.

It doesn't matter what you call your inner anchor. I've known Him as Jesus/Yeshua for most of my days and He has yet to fail me. But I don't think He's so insecure that He/(She?) won't grant inner peace to any person (whom He created and loves) who doesn't recognize Him by that name. It's the intent and vibration that matters; it doesn't matter what you call it. An apple is an apple in London or a manzana in Barcelona, but it's the same fruit.

Don't live from without. Don't yield to the stresses and negativity of those we encounter in our daily lives. Live from within, from that place of stillness and inner peace.

Once we've mastered that, we can take it one step further and let our peace rub off on those around us. And that is how little old you and me can literally change the world - one person at a time.

Defeating Daydream Syndrome

Have you ever noticed how when you take a trip you're often super excited to be at that place, only to find a bunch of locals who wish they were somewhere else? You know, the whole "grass is greener" thing? I'm constantly daydreaming, wishing I could be someplace else. Brazil, Lebanon, Portugal, Ethiopia, Iran. Everybody daydreams.

Dreams are great to have, to have something to set your intent towards and make your reality. I'm a huge dreamer (as I will share in my forthcoming book). But there's a downside to daydreaming. The beauty of life can be found all around us, right where we are right here and now. If we're too busy wishing we were someplace else we can miss everything that's right there where we are right now. I can remember traveling to Holland or Haiti and telling people I live in Florida. They would tell me that I'm lucky and wish they lived in Florida. Meanwhile, I wish I lived back in Pennsylvania or Haiti.

By all means, dream. Dream some more. When one dream is finished, dream again. Just don't forget to live in the "now." Cherish this moment right where you are. You'll never get it back. Don't waste so much time wishing you were someplace else (either physically, financially, career-wise, romantically) that you miss out on the miracle of right here, right now. Just be, and love being.

"Live in the 'now' and forever be at peace" - Eyedea

Learn to take a (cosmic) joke!

One of the single biggest factors in how we perceive and live our lives is our perception of God. Who do we perceive God/the universe to be? Is God angry, malevolent, non-existent? Or is God good, loving, and, dare I say it, "playful"? So many times in life we get caught by a misdirection by God and we get angry. What if the universe is just being playful with us, playing a cosmic joke? What if we learned to play along with the universe, and rather than get angry, we laugh along with it? How much different would our outlook on life be? How much more light-hearted would we be?

I sincerely believe that there are times when things happen to us for no other reason than for us to learn how to lighten up, take a joke, and laugh. Jesus did say that the "Kingdom of heaven is made of such as these (children)." What is the one thing that children know how to do so much better than adults? Play! Laugh! Have fun! It's time we unlearn our uber-seriousness and learn how to have fun and play again!